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Suicide is something I take VERY personal and it bugs the FUCK out of me on how ignorant people can be. When someone says “I want to kill myself” no one should call them “attention whore” or say “stfu”. Who the fuck are YOU to judge this person? YOU don’t know the struggle. YOU don’t understand how EVERY FUCKING DAY we are fighting a battle within ourselves. How slowly we are getting tired of this battle. How we sometimes don’t know what else to do and question ourselves: Is this how I’m going to live me life?
I won’t tell my story because I don’t need the fake sympathy of a stranger. But I can tell you what if feels like.Some of you may relate to me, other will judge me cause that is how society really is. Over the years, I learned to not care about people’s opinion. Not even my parents. I am a self harmer. I have 6 years of battling the darkness within myself. Some days I can tell myself “I’m okay” and actually mean it. But there other days where I’m just laying down, hearing a voice that tells me how worthless I am, how useless I am, how everybody can be happy if I wasn’t alive. No matter how many times people tell you “you are not worthless” you don’t believe it. You believe it’s a lie, like they were force to tell you this shit. The feelings that comes along with this is sadness, loneliness(etc.) Sadness because you can’t help but believe everything that your insecurities tell you. Loneliness because you can’t tell someone about how you feel without them looking at you like “fuck, they’re stupid to think that” or “its a phase, get over it” People don’t know how the fuck to deal with this because many of you have not been in this position before.
Unlike many of us, we aren’t strong anymore. We can’t handle it anymore. We give in and get killed in this battle. Everyday there is someone fighting for their lives! Fighting for someone to come to the rescue and tell them “I’m here now, I can help you, I’ll always be here” Fighting for someone to notice that we are NOT okay, that we are NOT fine, that we are NOT happy, that we NEED a friend. A friend that can help us feel better about ourselves, a friend that BELIEVES in us when we don’t. Maybe you’re thinking that you have noticed and you tried to tell someone you’re there for them but that’s not good enough. How can we believe you when you only come when we feel bad? That’s not even a friend. A friend is there for you through the ups and down. A friend is someone you can hang out with anytime and make memories. A friend is someone who deeply cares about you and is willing to do anything for you. I can tell you, I can count my friends with only ONE hand. I only know three people are truly my friend and care about me and would do anything. They all know about my scars but only one knows why I’ve done it.
Keep in thoughts.
I know no one is going to read this because people don’t care. But this is for the people that do care about someone who’s going through this and for the person that is struggling. If you’re struggling with something like this, I know it’s hard. I understand the feeling. The feeling of having to fake all day a smile and go back to bed crying. But it does get better! I was at my worst but now I’m better. I’ve learned to believe in myself and to make myself happy before anyone else. Maybe right now, you don’t believe yourself and it’s gonna take some time but you WILL feel better. You WILL survive this and when you do, you will be able to tell your story to help someone who’s going through the same. You are here for a reason, that is why God put you here in the first place. You are a beautiful strong person with alot to bring to the world. I believe in you. I believe you will conquer this battle. To the people who knows someone like this, all you can do is love and support this person. Be there for them and prove them wrong that you are there to stay. That you love them with their flaws. You are strong to. I hope and pray everyday for the people who are struggling to overcome one day at a time. We need YOU to help others.